by God
i cried and cried and cried and cried and cried
well you get my point
last night.
i kept praying
coz toby smsed me
and he was like nothing is stopping you from going to God but yourself
and i kind of realised it lah
like der devil was trying to block me
alot lah
got alot alot of strongholds
and i had this SUPER HUGE FIGHT with hillary
like der most hugest (got such word? lol)
then we were screaming at each other
then she hanged up
then i talked to annabel
and she made me realise
its like
my insecurity lah
coz of somebody im super insecure now
and i put it on hillary ALOT
and i know it pisses her off ALOT
so i talked to her
and we sorted things out
and we kind of understand each other more
actually not more
wee understand each other ALOT more
duh i dont want to fight with her
when she's about to leave
she left alrdy btw
today
i miss her like crazy luh
i dunno if she needs me
but i need her alot
she's like my emotional stength or smth
without her i wud like die luh.
seriously.
very weird
i talking to mei yi
and she suddenly said
you wont die.
LOL!!!
ok anyways
ya bout hillary
ok lahh
she made this HUGE GIGANTIC POINT
she was like
im not her kays
i wont hurt you
you have to trust me
maybe i dont give hugs or i dont call you and stuff like that
but i've been around longer than she is
and i was like
SUPER TOUCHED
ya its not mushy
but got alot of meaning behind it
i dont think she'll be reading this
but tts not the point
i feel very happy when i think about this
really.
haizz
maybe you dont believe in best friends
but you're my best friend
and i know we're gonna hurt each other ALOT
but im trying
and i know your trying
and thats all that matters
and i usually say i love you for fun and stuff
but i really really love you
as like a sister
yup
you're my no. 1 friend :D lol
ok she makes me happy
my #2 happy reason
annabel!!!
she very very very nice loh
like alot of ppl might not think so
but like after hillary hang up i was super sad
and crying
and i called her
and she cheered me up
ALOT!!!
lol
and she ALSO GOING AWAY TODAY
ayaa why both of them going away
luh
i need them alot
haizz
nvm,
lol
okk
and i talked to haris too!!
my #3 reason lol
we both agrreee in the same thing
and we both wont give up luh
me annabel haris wont give up
lol
and sry sry sry i cudnt tok to eu today
i cudnt sms
loh
SIGHS
anyways
thankss!!!
#4 reason:
toby LOL
he very nice
cheer me up
yesterday
actually he cheer me up alot
i think
he is the only one who actually understands bout how i feel bout my grandfather
and actually can help.
yup
and he made me happy lah
alot.
yup like a brother to me.
#5 reason!!
GOD.
ayaa i should have put him no.1
nvm
he knows i put him no.1 in my heart
lol
i cry cry cry cry
then i speak in tongue
then during that time
i felt seriously alot of peace
and hope
and all that
like today i also felt alot of peace
i didnt talk to anybody besides my friends till 7 lah
and i felt peace.
lol
calmness
coz
yesterday i asked God to life up my burdens
and i found alot alot of amazing verses in the bible
ALOT
and i was like
forgive me God for staying away from you
and my #1 thought was
forgive her
forgive her
forgive her
maybe in my mind i thot i cudnt forgive her
but now i say i can forgive her
i can lah
coz
yup im not goingto let der devil set any bitterness in me
and God was like
saying
if you forgive her, i can start healing you.
so i was like
fine.
i forgive her.
so yup
the process of healing is also very painful
but when it heals slowly
it gets less painful.
i guess today wasnt painful
im still gonna cry today coz of my grandfather
but itd not going to be like last time
i cry coz i miss him
but i know im gonna meet him again.
my sis says God told her He's in heaven
that makes me happy.
i love you grandfather .
toby just told me a nice song.
a very nice song.
its very inspiring
VERY.
inspiring.
but first i wanna thank
hillary, annabel, toby, haris, sze ting, jamie, crystal bffl, crystal k,
if i missed anybody tell me
lol.
and everybody whose taken care of me
im healing
but i wouldnt be able to get to the point where i am
without you guys
The heart is stronger than you think
Like it can go through anything
And even when you think it cant it finds a way to still push on, though
Sometime you want to run away
Aint got the patience for the pain
And if you dont believe it look into your heart, the beat goes on
Im telling you
Things get better through whatever
If you fall, dust it off, dont let up
Dont you know you can go, be your own miracle, you need to know
If the mind keeps thinking youve had enough
But the heart keeps telling you dont give up
Who are we to be questioning, wondering what is what, dont give up
Through it all, just stand up
Its like we all have better days
Problems getting all up in your face
Just because you go through it
Dont mean it gotta take control, no (no)
You aint gotta find no hiding place
Because the heart can beat the hate
Dont wanna let your mind keep playing you
And saying you cant go on
Im telling you,
Things get better through whatever
If you fall, dust if off, dont let up
Dont you know you can go, be your own miracle, you need to know
If the mind keeps thinking youve had enough (ohh)
But the heart keeps telling you dont give up (don't you give up)
Who are we to be questioning, wondering what is what, dont give up (don't give up, just stand up)
Through it all, just stand up (just stand up)
Through it all, just stand up
You dont gotta be a prisoner in your mind
If you fall, dust it off, you can live your life (yeah)
Let your heart be your guide, oh (yeah yeah yeah)
You will know that youre good if you trust the in good
Everything will be alright, yeah (alright)
Light up the dark, if you follow your heart
And It will get better through whatever
If the mind keeps thinking youve had enough
But the heart keeps telling you dont give up (don't give up, don't give up, no no no)
Who are we to be questioning, wondering what is what, dont give up
Through it all, just stand up
You got it in you, find it within (everything will be alright, yeah)
You got in ya, find it within ya
You got in you, find it within
You got in you, find it within ya
You got in you, find it within (everything will be alright, yeah)
You got in you, find it within ya
Find it within you, find it within
Through it all, just stand up
-i've got it in me